Over the last 8 years I have ended many relationships/dating situations because the other person wants to spend every waking moment together when we aren't at work and I have even had a couple get upset when I don't respond to a text or phone call when I am working.
I have even gone as far as explaining to these men that I cannot handle someone who is too clingy or too stand offish. I like someone that is a happy middle but time and time again I get the same things.
A few weeks ago I was introduced by a friend to one guy who I met on a Thursday night for drinks and thought he was very nice. He explained on his days off he was going to go visit his family which was the upcoming weekend. Worked out well because I had already made plans with girlfriends for the upcoming weekend anyway. He asked if I would like to get together for a movie on Sunday night when he returned to town. I said sure even though he said he wasn't going to be back until about 9pm, but when Sunday came around I was so tired from the weekend that I asked if we could do it another night during the week or perhaps the upcoming weekend. He said sure. When the weekend came closer he told me he again was going out of town. He then stated he never stays in town on his days off and always goes home to his family's house. I let him know that this would make getting to know me difficult as I didn't go out a lot during the week due to having to get up early for work and kept most of my dating to the weekends. He stated sorry but he didn't want to get to know me. Hmmm doesn't seem to be willing to make a lot of effort or compromise though.
Last week I was introduced by a friend to yet another guy on a Thursday night. We met at the local park and sat and visited for 3 hours. I was interested in learning more about him and he was interested in learning more about me so we exchanged phone numbers. This gentleman called me the next day and asked if I was free for dinner. I was so I agreed to go to dinner with him. We sat and visited and he mentioned that our mutual friend had mentioned I don't like clingy people but then I also want someone to put an effort forth to get to know me. We discussed this for a little while among other things over the next couple of hours. The evening was over and he dropped me off at home. I thought nice. No stress, comfortable and we were able to discuss the whole clingy/distant thing without it being awkward.
Saturday morning I received another call from him asking me what I was doing that day. I told him I had some obligations to tend to but should be free later that afternoon. He said he would heck back. Later that afternoon though I wasn't feeling well (love allergies) and I told him I was going to stay home and rest. He said if I needed anything to let him know and I thanked him and hung up. Sunday I had turned my phone off because I wasn't feeling well and wanted to just relax and spend the day reading and when I turned my phone on late that afternoon I had missed 3 phone calls from him and 2 text messages from him. Ugh! Really? Is it just me or is that a bit much? I texted him and said I still just wanted to lay low and relax and had turned my phone off because I didn't want to talk to anyone which prompted him to call again. UGH!!!!
I didn't answer!
This morning (Monday) he called again. I explained to him I was working and still not feeling all that great and would just take a few days to myself to which he responded maybe we could just hang out and watch a movie tonight if I was feeling better. Is it just me or was he not listening?
I don't understand how you can explain to someone that you can't deal with clingy and then they call every day (multiple times one day) and expect you to spend every evening with them (or at least it appears that way right now)? Is it just me I wondered? I was going to call a couple of friends and ask them but I realized i didn't have to because I already knew the answers.
A & P started dating when we were right out of high school and A and I actually grew apart because they only spent time with each other neglecting all of her friends.
R&J when R started dating J she up and disappeared and moved to another state and got married before i even knew she had left the state because the spent every moment together neglecting her friends.
J&J started dating in high school and we grew apart because J spent every waking moment with J and then they married and moved away and I didn't hear from her for 13 years after they were divorced.
J&S are always fighting because J doesn't understand why S wants to spend every waking moment with her and is always feeling smothered.
J&K fought the first 15 years of their marriage because J wanted K to quite her job and stay home (no kids) and never go anywhere without him but K is a very independent woman and felt smothered by this constant attention. J finally got it through his head he was going to lose his wife if he kept smothering her and the last 2 years have been better.
How do you tell someone look I liked you the first couple of time we spent time together but the constant calling and wanting to see me every night since we met is already making me want to run screaming into the night??????????????
Curious to hear other's thoughts on this.
