Making Time For Others.......

A few years ago I made a decision in my life. I wanted to stop saying things to people we all say to the people we "care" about in our lives and start doing those things. "call me and we will get together", "we need to hang out", "I'll call you".  All those things we have all said, knowing we would never follow through.

It's funny though how we can change our lives to show the people important to us they are truly important and loved but we can't expect others to do the same because let's face it, our ego is what demands that we be important to others. Our ego is what is offended or hurt when we feel ignored by the ones we love. Our ego does not matter to anyone but us.

I always think about something my chosen grandmother said to me before she passed, she told me she wished she had spent more time with her children and family and less time worrying if the floors were clean. Today I can proudly say that my floors may be dirty but I make time for friends and chosen family, often even when they make no time for me but how long do we go on making time for others who don't make time for us?

Recently, I realized that several people in my life believe that making time for them should revolve around their schedules and not mine. I guess they think the world revolves around their schedule.

Someone recently said to me, "well you don't do anything" and I have to admit that my ego flared up and was immediately offended by this statement. How would they know what I do? They are never around. They don't call me, text me, email me and ask me about my days, or my business or anything else going on in my life. Weeks even months go by without contact from them.  They have no idea how much time I spend working to grow my business or working on my homes, volunteering or spending time with friends or my chosen family. They don't know if I am dating anyone or if I am traveling. I have left the state of Texas for leisure purposes and they never even knew I was gone, I guess. I have traveled within the state several times throughout the last year alone. I guess I could pretty much fall off the face of the earth and they wouldn't realize it for probably months...sad to say.  I guess because I don't post my every action on facebook they think I don't do anything but boy do I have news for them!

The really sad thing, I used to tell this person when I was going somewhere, or was dealing with something but one day I realized the relationship was only what it was because I worked so hard and put forth so much effort. Now, if you were to ask this person if they put forth effort they would say it was all them, but I would have to say that is not my perception. I decided to stop working so hard and see if they reciprocate and I have to admit my feelings have been very hurt because they haven't.

It does hurt though. It makes me feel unimportant at times. It seems everyone is so busy with their jobs and their families and I always seem to be the one going to visit friends or family. I always seem to be the one moving things around in my schedule to make time.

 A couple of weekends ago, while on a trip I was hanging out catching some rays and a woman (Peggy) struck up a conversation with me.
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Peggy began by asking me where my husband was. I of course told her I hadn't had a husband since July 2005. She said she was sorry and asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her no of course and that she shouldn't feel sorry I was happy I had lost the husband and enjoyed life anyway! I wondered why was this woman so interested in my love life?  As she continued on asking me questions, I start ted to feel uneasy about the line of questioning as if there was nothing else in life besides having a man.  

Peggy continued to talk about her husband (Tim) & how they had been married for 40 years. Throughout her 40 year marriage her husband, Tim had engaged in several affairs, often with her friends or friends wives or girlfriends.                                   

In the long run this behavior cost her all of her friends and the once social couple now never leaves the house or has people over like they once did - just to ensure Tim doesn't have the opportunity to cheat on her but that doesn't stop her distrust of him - she now wonders if he carries on with people from work.  Peggy went on to tell me how jealous and insecure she is and how she worries if they go out to eat, is Tim looking at the waitresses, so they do not go out to eat anymore. She worries if her husband is mowing their lawn, is he checking out their neighbor and so on and so on.

  I couldn't imagine being in a relationship that was filled with nothing but distrust, anger and jealousy. Peggy went on to tell me she and her husband never had sex, didn't go on dates, didn't even talk to one another any more. Peggy said when Tim gets home from work in the evenings they have dinner, he showers, they watch a little tv and then go to bed and wake up and do it all over again.

  To me this has to be a horrible existence and would not be worth it to me. I couldn't imagine having someone in such an important role in my life that I couldn't trust and I could not imagine being so miserable in a relationship and staying in the unhappy relationship for 40 years. 

The Single Side of Life........it ain't so bad!

 In a couple-driven marketing society, we are eventually going to come across people who wonder why we are single. It appears many people believe the ultimate goal in life is to find a partner and pair off into a couple as if our lives depend on it. No one ever died simply because they were single!

Many people even often imply (intentionally or unintentionally) something is wrong with you if you are not part of a couple. Many women (and men) often stay in bad relationships because they feel like something is wrong with them if they are alone. Many stay in bad relationships because they are simply afraid to be alone. Some have never even experienced life on their own before. Many women have gone from their parent’s home to a home they share with their husband.  It’s amazing how society believes it is better to be in a relationship and how singles have to defend their choice to be single.

39.2% of the unmarried population aged 18 and older were formerly married and 60.8% have always been single - U.S. Census Bureau's Current Population Survey (CPS), 2008.

Marital Status Among Young Adults Ages 25-34 (Percent)

	2007	2008	2009
Married	48.2	46.9	44.9
Never Married	42.6	42.6	46.3

Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2000 Census and American Community Survey.

Being single does not mean you are lonely. As a single person I have more time to spend engaging in a variety of activities and opportunities which can lead to new and exciting friendships. However, many of our friendships may end up being with persons who are part of a couple. No matter what kind of friendships we have with other singles or with members of a couple the most important thing is to enjoy our freedom! If you can find friends with the opportunity and time to engage in activities with you great, but if not you should not be afraid to go for it and have “party of 1” adventures! You never know who you are going to meet along your journey!

In relationships you always have to compromise when differences of opionions or desires rise. When you are a “party of 1” though you can take advantage of not having to compromise. If you are a slob then no need to feel guilty about leaving your dirty dishes, clothes, etc. all over the house. If you are a neat freak then no need to be frustrated after having to pick up after someone else. If you are a night owl you can stay up as late as you want without worrying about keeping someone else awake. If you like ice cream for breakfast and crackers for dinner there’s no need to feel like you have to make a full meal for someone else! If you want to jump in the truck and head out to Louisiana at a moment’s notice for a week there is no need to feel guilty if your partner can’t get off work to go!

Being single adds a lot of freedom, flexibility and opportunity to life.  When you are in a relationship you tend to have plan and coordinate schedules, alternate for holidays, consider if possibilities will be positive for both partners etc. Many people often sacrifice their own desires and needs to make sure their partner is happy.  When you are single life can be exciting and adventurous if you let it!

5  To me, being married or in a relationship is a lifestyle choice and not a requirement. Being single is a lifestyle choice and not a lonely burden. While dating I have learned to identify the “red flags” in potential partners to avoid getting into relationships that are not appropriate for me. While making the decision to be single and make better dating choices for myself; I have taken the opportunity to learn more about myself, dreams, goals, abilities. I have been able to engage in opportunities to learn and grow and meet new people. I have learned to be grateful for what I have accomplished in life and the things I have been able to obtain. I have been able to invest in myself and my future and turn my energy towards things that make me happy and provide meaning to my life.

      When I was married I often found that my time for me was limited because being in a relationship creates an obligation to spend time with a person. Between working, school and family obligations it was difficult to find time for friends and self. Now, with my choice of a single lifestyle I have been able to engage in hobbies I enjoyed prior to being married such as writing, photography, travel, reading, volunteering, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, exercise, etc. I believe by investing in myself, discovering things about myself and enjoying the time I have to myself right now if and when the time comes that I choose to be part of a couple I will be healthier and more prepared to be a better partner.

Does anyone ever think of others first?

Recently, Lyric's mother finished up her last chemo treatment. A few days later doctor's discovered Lyric's father (mother & father have been divorced for years) had brain tumors and would need surgery today. Lyric has never been one to show a lot of emotions (neither does her family members) instead Lyric tends to take on the responsibility of being the care giver and making sure everyone else is taken care of since she cannot control the illness itself. Sometimes I think by being the care taker and making sure everyone else is taken care of is overwhelming for her but it makes her feel more in control and distracts her from being emotional.

When Lyric got off work this morning (over night nurse at a hospital) she drove directly to the hospital her father was in to spend time with him before his surgery today. Lyric's grandmother, grandfather - his wife, step mother, 2 half brothers, 3 step siblings, 1 step nephew, Lyric's Aunt & Uncle (Lyric's father's only sister & brother in law), step- mother's 2 sisters & their husbands have all been at the hospital today. 45 minutes prior to Lyric's father going into surgery; Lyric's step mother kicked everyone out of the room without a thought to how anyone would feel. Lyric has already been upset her step mother has made comments like "I knew I should have had life insurance on him" and "I don't want him to take steroids because they will make him fat", etc.

Lyric's father's immediate family (sister and daughter) was very upset by this because they wanted to spend time with him prior to going into pre-op (where his wife would be the only one who could wait with him). I believe Lyric is taking her father's illness even more emotionally because just last week she was finishing up her mother's last chemo treatment with her. She has had to come to terms with fighting a life threatening illness with her mother and with no time to in between she has to turn around and face the life threatening situation with her father.

Sometimes I wonder if people think how their actions in a situation like this effect others. Does this step mom realize how difficult this has been for Lyric? When the father wakes up from surgery will he want to be more involved with his daughter's life and grandson's life? Will this family learn to be more open with one another and make the rest of the time they have with one another quality time? Will life be business as usual?

Employee vs. Virtual Assistant Employer Savings

Hiring the services of a Virtual Assistant compared to employing permanent staff
More benefits of using a virtual assistant is the cost savings when you compare to hiring full time staff.

This is just an example using Australian entitlements and they will vary from country to country. The example is for a secretary/PA.

40 Hr Week @ $15 per hr (48 working weeks) $31,200.00

2 weeks Annual Leave $1,200.00

loss of productivity during leave $1,200

Workers Compensation Insurance (approx) $ 500.00

Bonus - annually (approx) $ 1,000.00


Total Yearly Salary for Permanent Staff Member $35,100.00

Then I haven't included:

Payroll tax and other costs.

Office space leasing and office equipment for permanent staff.

I also haven't included the fact that when a permanent staff member is on sick leave she is still being paid for this and the employer is losing productivity on top of it. 

So conservatively an hourly rate for a permanent staff member is starting from $35.00 approx. A virtual assistant starts anywhere from $25 - $30 approx 

BUT

The benefits of using a virtual assistant are that you are only paying for productive time. A virtual assistant only gets paid for work done and all the time she spends on your business is productive time. Whereas permanent staff members are not productive all of the time that they are spending in your business. (How many times have you noticed staff members standing around talking, arriving late, leaving early, using work time for personal business such as phone calls, paying their personal bills on your company computer, emailing friends and family, etc.)

You may find that you do not require to employ permanent staff for specific job roles.

These roles can be outsourced to a virtual assistant.