In a couple-driven marketing society, we are eventually going to come across people who wonder why we are single. It appears many people believe the ultimate goal in life is to find a partner and pair off into a couple as if our lives depend on it. No one ever died simply because they were single!
Many people even often imply (intentionally or unintentionally) something is wrong with you if you are not part of a couple. Many women (and men) often stay in bad relationships because they feel like something is wrong with them if they are alone. Many stay in bad relationships because they are simply afraid to be alone. Some have never even experienced life on their own before. Many women have gone from their parent’s home to a home they share with their husband. It’s amazing how society believes it is better to be in a relationship and how singles have to defend their choice to be single.
39.2% of the unmarried population aged 18 and older were formerly married and 60.8% have always been single - U.S. Census Bureau's Current Population Survey (CPS), 2008.
Marital Status Among Young Adults Ages 25-34 (Percent)
2007 | 2008 | 2009 | |||
Married | 48.2 | 46.9 | 44.9 | ||
Never Married | 42.6 | 42.6 | 46.3 |
Source: U.S. Census Bureau, 2000 Census and American Community Survey.
Being single does not mean you are lonely. As a single person I have more time to spend engaging in a variety of activities and opportunities which can lead to new and exciting friendships. However, many of our friendships may end up being with persons who are part of a couple. No matter what kind of friendships we have with other singles or with members of a couple the most important thing is to enjoy our freedom! If you can find friends with the opportunity and time to engage in activities with you great, but if not you should not be afraid to go for it and have “party of 1” adventures! You never know who you are going to meet along your journey!
In relationships you always have to compromise when differences of opionions or desires rise. When you are a “party of 1” though you can take advantage of not having to compromise. If you are a slob then no need to feel guilty about leaving your dirty dishes, clothes, etc. all over the house. If you are a neat freak then no need to be frustrated after having to pick up after someone else. If you are a night owl you can stay up as late as you want without worrying about keeping someone else awake. If you like ice cream for breakfast and crackers for dinner there’s no need to feel like you have to make a full meal for someone else! If you want to jump in the truck and head out to Louisiana at a moment’s notice for a week there is no need to feel guilty if your partner can’t get off work to go!
Being single adds a lot of freedom, flexibility and opportunity to life. When you are in a relationship you tend to have plan and coordinate schedules, alternate for holidays, consider if possibilities will be positive for both partners etc. Many people often sacrifice their own desires and needs to make sure their partner is happy. When you are single life can be exciting and adventurous if you let it!
5 To me, being married or in a relationship is a lifestyle choice and not a requirement. Being single is a lifestyle choice and not a lonely burden. While dating I have learned to identify the “red flags” in potential partners to avoid getting into relationships that are not appropriate for me. While making the decision to be single and make better dating choices for myself; I have taken the opportunity to learn more about myself, dreams, goals, abilities. I have been able to engage in opportunities to learn and grow and meet new people. I have learned to be grateful for what I have accomplished in life and the things I have been able to obtain. I have been able to invest in myself and my future and turn my energy towards things that make me happy and provide meaning to my life.
When I was married I often found that my time for me was limited because being in a relationship creates an obligation to spend time with a person. Between working, school and family obligations it was difficult to find time for friends and self. Now, with my choice of a single lifestyle I have been able to engage in hobbies I enjoyed prior to being married such as writing, photography, travel, reading, volunteering, learning to play an instrument, learning a new language, exercise, etc. I believe by investing in myself, discovering things about myself and enjoying the time I have to myself right now if and when the time comes that I choose to be part of a couple I will be healthier and more prepared to be a better partner.
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