Choose your battles wisely......life is too short

I read this post the other day from someone who was raised by her mother, (granted to my knowledge her mother has never worked and lives off the system and has 5 kids by different fathers) her father was in her life; while he was quiet and didn't know how to show his affection  and tended to pay more attention to his sons rather than his daughters; he always paid child support and sent extra money when requested and at various points, this person moved out of her mother's house for a while and moved in with her father and then moved back to live with her mother and as an adult with a small child still lives with her mother and rarely comes to see her father, or calls except on the holidays.

"Choosing favorites in your children/grandchildren is not only wrong, it hurts them more than you know. So when the day comes when they want nothing to do with you, don't be surprised. Just saying."


When I read this quote I find it somewhat amusing..........

This person lives apx 2 -3 hours north of her father and step mother. She has 1 child. 
She has a step sister who also lives apx 2-3 hours north of her mother and step father and she too has 1 child. 
Both of these girls rarely come to town to see their parent/step parent, except on holidays. 
These two sisters also have a brother/step brother that lives in San Angelo who has no children. 
They also have a step brother/brother who lives in the same town as the parent/step parent and has 2 children. 

It is only natural that the grandparents see the 2 grandchildren who live in the same town more often and on a regular basis. 

However, in this family dynamic the 2 daughter/step daughter 's that live out of town quite frequently make the the comment above or similar comments. 

It always amazes me that people are unable to see things from any perspective but their own. It's not common that grandparents (especially ones that still work and farm on top of their full time jobs) do not travel to see the children/grandchildren often. Usually the kids come home to see the grandparents.  Just because she only brings her child to see her grandparents on holidays doesn't mean they love her any less than the other grandchildren. Yes they probably are closer to the one's that live in the same town but what can be expected? I mean they spend more time with them.  It's also funny to me that grown women would be complaining about favorites......I mean really how old are you again? Try putting yourself in my shoes..........then tell me how much you worry about if you are your parents favorite or if they have a favorite grandchild! 

Choose your battles wisely and remember life is short!

Does this really have to be said? After a couple of years of online dating experiences.........apparently it does.

After being single for a while and having several dates that I chose not to continue seeing I was giving thought to a few things. No one courts anymore. It’s sad because I think that’s so important in getting to know someone. Instead it seems like everyone is in a hurry to meet someone and jump right in head first. Below though are a few things I read or are my own thoughts that I thought were excellent in helping me weed out the duds and maybe hopefully one day find someone to share my life with......

No one likes a stalker. You may be falling hard, but give me room to breathe: no bombarding me with phone calls, no “surprise” visits and no requests for dates every day of the week. Remember I had a life before I met you (as you did too) and it’s important to be able to spend time with friends and families and taking care of our responsibilities without feeling pressured to spend every free moment with someone. This, too, is one of the most important timeless dating rules. Like the old showbiz cliche says: Always leave them wanting more. 

Take the time to make me feel good. In today's dating world, with all the rules, systems and mind games (which are a good way to push me away), the old-fashioned compliment is often overlooked. If I look beautiful, tell me. If I am the funniest girl you've ever dated, let me know. Court me! Send flowers for no reason!

After spending some time with a girl, you'll start to feel comfortable around me... sometimes too comfortable. You won't feel the urge to impress me and let things slide. You should relax around me, but this can go too far. I once had a guy show up to our agreed meeting location in pajama bottoms and a t shirt – not that there’s anything wrong with casual but I felt like he couldn’t even be bothered to dress to meet me. 

Don't be the kind of boy who won’t a kiss on the first date, but don't rush things either. Feeling pressured is a sure fire way to push me away. Relationships are organic and develop at their own pace. Working on a timetable, like planning on moving in together after two years, getting engaged after three, and getting married after four just won't turn out well. I like to take things as they come and go with the flow of my life. Wait until things feel right, rather than doing it all when it’s expected. I have never done the things others expect me to do just because they expect me to. And under no circumstances should you tell me you love me in the first month (perhaps one of the most important timeless dating rules). You barely even know me! 

I’m not sure there is anything worse than the person who picks up their phone and starts staring at it in the middle of dinner, or at any point while you’re together and having a conversation. I’m not anti-technology here (hello, I work in a virtual office!) but I am saying that there comes a time to turn it off and disconnect and remember what actually matters. People. If you are on your phone with other people the whole time we are on our date; then I don’t feel important and will be on my way!
It used to be principle for people to say: oh, when can I see you? Or, when could I call you? Rather than just assuming they can at any point. But I think that old concept could be applied to our modern world by just assuming that, unless told otherwise, you should ask permission to you know, touch them anywhere, take them out, call them at a certain time, etc. 

We show our respect with our time
If you are 5-10 minutes late, I can chalk that up to traffic. However, 10 minutes plus, with no phone call, is simply rude. Incidents like this show me exactly how much respect you have for my time.

Gentlemen offer to pay
This rule will be debated for the next 1000 years and for the next 1000 years, the answer will be the same. If he's a gentleman, he'll offer to pay on the first date (regardless of who asks). If he doesn't, it doesn't mean he's a bad guy but it does mean his chivalry skills are lacking.

Good manners are telling
We should all know that the good manners of saying "please" and "thank you" never ever goes out of style, especially on a date.

The man pursues the woman. While this practice varies from community to community, most groups that favor courtship also favor a more traditional method of wooing. The man initiates the friendship Courtships are always conducted publicly. You will not be invited to my house to “watch a movie”. 

Commitment precedes intimacy. During courtship, a couple get to know each other. I want to be pursued. If you are playing games and telling me what you think I want to hear just to be intimate then please move on because I am not the one for you! Not that there’s anything wrong with your choice, but I am in a different place right now. 

Relationship Red Flags

When we are young we go into relationships not thinking about the things we are willing to accept or not willing to accept because we are young and we are just happy to be in a relationship but after we have had a few failed relationships and we get to know our selves better we start to realize what we are willing to accept and not accept and what some red flags in relationships are.

Wanting someone to spend our life with and share our experiences with is a universal desire. It doesn't matter if it is Valentine's Day, your birthday, Fourth of July or just a beautiful Saturday afternoon drive. Experiences are always more meaningful and enjoyable when we share them with  a partner.

How do we get there though? What are some things we need from a relationship?
I ask myself several questions when I am getting to know someone:

1) Does he expects me to do all the work?  Did I have to plan the dates? Did he make the reservations if needed? Is he creative with our dates and getting to know each other or does he throw out the same suggestion every time? Dinner and movie.  In the beginning to me (first couple of dates I don't like going to a movie because you can't really talk and get to know anything about someone when you spend a couple of hours watching a movie and really how long does it take you to eat and talk before it's time to go to the movie? 

These are just a few of activities I have discovered in my readings or thought of that I would love to do in the beginning ......hell throughout a relationship too..........but for some reason guys just don't seem to get creative when thinking of date ideas......

For a first date I am pretty open but I do have to admit I would prefer an atmosphere where you could actually talk and get to know something about a person such as dinner, a walk, a drive, a pic nic, I do have a Rottweiler that is like my child so if the first date were something I could bring her with me on that would score huge points with me and something low pressure and casual would be awesome 

I do not like the traditional date activity, "dinner and a movie". It's difficult to get to know someone in a movie theater. 

Because everyone always suggest the traditional "dinner and a movie" Here are several ideas of things I like to do when getting to know someone - 

Bowling is an old-school date idea with a great casual vibe. We can have a beer or a slice of pizza while engaging in a friendly competition.

*Hiking - Exploring the great outdoors and getting some physical activity is a terrific first date idea, provided your date is up to the task. 

*Zoo’s or Aquariums aren't just for fourth-grade field trips; they're also a great place for a first date. You can walk leisurely with your lady friend as the two of you survey all of the sea life. And underwater creatures are colorful, slimy, toothy, and weird enough to keep things interesting.

Taking a date to the driving range is another fun outdoors activity. It’s not particularly strenuous, though, so your date doesn’t need to be athletic to have a good time. The driving range makes a great daytime date. It’s also a good first date idea because if she’s not a golfer, helping her with her swing is a great opportunity to get up close and personal.

A trip to the local art gallery is a great first date for the artsy girl. 

Friday night date-night dinner can be crowded and cliche. Spend a free Saturday at brunch

"We live in a college town, and we're always scanning the school's website to see what interesting, open-to-the-public activities it offers," says Denver resident Jane S., 38. "We've seen cool authors speak, gone to shows of student work, and, I'll admit it, get a kick out of strolling around campus and imagining we we're still 19."

*Wander the bookstore -Your Kindle has tons of memory. but it sure isn't good at making them. Suggestion: Start at the travel section and get to know each other even better by talking dream trips.

*Head on a (mini) road trip –On Saturday mornings I like to sometimes get in my truck and head to a small town somewhere and wander their streets just to see what I can find. 

Plan a picnic- a blanket, basket, some yummy snacks,

Explore a winery --The go-to activity was made famous in Sideways, but there's lots of not-so-obvious things to do at wineries. More and more are equipped with hiking trails, picnic areas, playgrounds, and even pools, turning vineyards into all-day destinations. Or see if there's one in your city; in some areas, urban wineries are

2. Is he a little too private? Does he give you his phone number? Does he answer when you call? Does he talk about his life? Does he only text you and never call? Does he only text during the day and never in the evening or on weekends? If your dates consists strictly of booze and booty calls then this is not a relationship. I mean, come on. If he can put in the time to text you he can put in the effort to actually speak to you. If you are good enough to talk to during the day/week what's happening at night or on the weekends that you aren't? Simply put....I just don't have time for this type of guy in my life. Maybe once upon a time when I was young and carefree but now I want more out of a relationship.

3. Does he communicate with you? Does he tell you details about his life, his hopes, his dreams, his experiences. Does he ask the same things about you? Does he give you an opportunity to share with him or does he cut you off and only talk about himself?

4. Is too physical in the beginning? I mean come on you just met this person. You are trying to get to know them if you are looking for a relationship. If he can't respect your physical space and can't seem to keep his hands in appropriate places for you is he really looking for a relationship or a bed-mate. If you are just looking for a bed-mate that's great, carry on, but if you want more.....!

15 Signs You're in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Aunt Becky June 13, 2012 at 10:17 PM

Emotional abuse, while it leaves no marks, can sometimes be the hardest type of abuse to understand in a relationship. It's hard to imagine that someone who "loves you" could abuse you -- and besides, it's just words, right? It's not like you're being BEATEN.

Sad truth is, while broken bones heal, the wounds left from emotional abuse can last a lifetime.

Emotional abuse is a form of abuse in which a partner uses verbal assault, fear, or humiliation to undermine the other person's self-esteem and self-worth. Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse.

Here are some signs you're in an emotionally abusive relationship:

1) You're afraid to tell your partner about a normal happening - your car needs brakes, your boss made you work overtime - because you're not sure how he will react.

2) When you do talk to your significant other, he puts you down and makes you feel stupid.

3) You make yourself available to your partner no matter what the personal cost - just to avoid a confrontation.

4) You no longer want to bring your significant other around your friends or family because you're afraid he will berate you and humiliate you in front of your loved ones.

More from The Stir: Michelle Williams Gives Love Advice Every Woman Should Hear

5) You've begun to believe that you're the crazy one -- that you're the one with the problem.

6) When talking about an accomplishment - a promotion or something equally exciting - your partner sneers at you, putting you down, mocking your achievement rather than celebrating it.

7) You feel helpless, like you're trapped in the relationship.

8) Your partner treats you like an object, like property, not like a person with real feelings.

9) Your partner keeps a tight control on all things: money, the phone, using the car, who you see and what you do.

10) If you fight back, your significant other blames you for the abusive behavior. "If you weren't so dumb, I wouldn't have to yell at you."

11) You've begun to see yourself as worthless -- just like your partner tells you you are.

12) You'll go out of your way to please your significant other, no matter how much you have to sacrifice. If that means staying up all night to wash the floor, so be it. It beats the "lecture."

13) You're in complete isolation. Your partner doesn't want you around your friends or family and has convinced you that THEY are the ones who are abusive to you - not him.

14) You've begun to feel as though you deserve to be treated badly. If you were a better person, you wouldn't make him so mad!

15) You find yourself having to rush to his defense whenever he is brought up in conversation. You make excuses for his behavior regardless of the situation.

If you're in an emotionally abusive relationship or even if you think you're being abused but it's "not bad enough" to do anything about it, remember: it is. No one deserves to be treated this way, and everyone is worthy of respect. Even you.

New York State Domestic Violence Hotlines

Your local hotline can provide you with information on domestic violence resources in your community.

For the hotline number of your local domestic violence program, call the New York State Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-942-6906

Acknowledging the good

As you begin to acknowledge the good that came from your "unacceptable " past, you will find forgiveness arising. This is a way to "let go" of anger even if you feel that you're in a rage—that is, that you don't have anger so much as anger has you.


The good things that have come from my unacceptable childhood are that it made me who I am today. It taught me how to have compassion for others, how to help others, how to be strong, how to survive. 

I was able to eventually turn my abusive childhood into an experience to share and help others when I began volunteering for domestic violence and child abuse centers. I was able to use my own experience of how it affected me and how I turned it into a strength building experience to push me through school and achieving my MBA, start 2 businesses, purchase my homes, because it was the foundation of my strength in achieving things others had always told me I would never be able to do. 

Now, years looking back I am proud of who I am and what I accomplished and I look forward to the years I have to come! 





























Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Daily-Life-Work-Lesson-2-Letting-Go-of-Anger_1#ixzz1kyBiHShD