An area of life that has always left me with few answers and little understanding has been my biological father.

This man has never really held any kind of significant place in my life because he was never there. Even after my mother passed away and I had no choice but to live with him and his 2nd wife he still did not hold a significant place in my life because even when he was physically there he was never mentally or emotionally there.  Even as an adult he has never held a significant place in my life because he was never there and never made any significant attempt to be a part of my life or get to know me as a person.

For many years of my life I simply just moved on without him because when I expressed to him what I needed from him as a father he continued his same behaviors and actions.  Over the past year or so he has made appearances in my life again now that I have moved back to the same town he lives in and I find this difficult because there is no true relationship there. He doesn't know anything about me from where I went to school, who I was married to, why I am still not married, what I want from life, what my interests are, what type of volunteer work I participate in, etc.  I realized that his idea of a relationship is a superficial relationship to me and superficial relationships have never been something I have been very good at maintaining. To be completely honest superficial relationships are not something I have time nor the desire to maintain in my life.

Each time I see him (once in the last 4 months) all he talks about is gossip about people and situations that I don't care about or even know or to brag about how wonderful he is doing and how much money he has. Never once has he asked me how I was doing, was I ok, did I need anything, how was my work, school, etc. I don't know how to maintain this type of relationship and I find it more and more difficult to try and do so. I hate when they (he & his 3rd wife) tell me to come to outings they plan because I don't view them as my family and they don't seem to understand the reality that he has missed the opportunity to be part of my life and continues to misuse the attempts I have allowed to try and rebuild some type of a relationship.

I think about the little bit I do know about his life and his family and his background trying to understand how to have a meaningful relationship with him but I continue to return to the fact that he is a grown up and circumstances do not have to dictate behavior. He can change himself just like everyone else can but he doesn't seem to want to or even understand.