Could it be?

 We all know her – the beautiful, brilliant, strong, charismatic, fun loving, kind, generous woman that falls repeatedly for the same loser or emotionally unavailable man. This woman might even be you now or may have been you in the past. How can so many women time and time again fall for the same guy over and over again?

A recent study has some interesting insights. The study, titled Why do Men Insult their Intimate Partners?, published in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences says men desire women of lower social or intellectual status because they feel they can be controlled. The thought that his partner is more valued by society and desirable to others than he is doesn’t sit well with him. A study by psychologists at the University of Michigan backs up this theory. The study found that high status men preferred to marry their secretaries rather than colleagues. This means a man is threatened by a partner with a higher IQ or more education because she makes him feel insecure. But when a man does end up in a relationship with an intellectual superior, he is likely to be unfaithful or aggressive as a means of asserting control over her, Dr. Steward-Williams says. “If a man demeans a woman, it makes her feel low, neglected and disrespected,” he adds. “And if a woman feels humiliated, she will eventually come to believe she can't do any better and stick around with that man.” But, that doesn’t explain why smart women go for the bums in the first place.

Wait? What is this study saying? Does this mean a woman with a Bachelors, MBA or PhD will have difficulty finding a “good ole boy” to settle down with because he will feel less successful or valuable than his mate would be? What about a woman who is educated, started her own business and owns multiple properties? She sounds like a great catch to me. She brings a lot to the table and appears to know how to survive and take care of herself. Why would anyone find this intimidating? This sounds like someone who would make an excellent life partner to me, but then again I am not a man.

This isn’t exactly fair. We have been told all our lives to go to school and get an education so that we can be more successful than our parents.  As women our mothers told us to learn to take care of ourselves because as many of us are children of single mothers; we know how they struggled to provide for themselves.  We have been taught to learn to do things ourselves. 

So does this mean those “good guys” are all looking for women who they deem less educated than themselves, less socially valuable, less successful are ending up with a woman they eventually feel is using them for their success or status? Perhaps “gold diggers”? In a sense does that mean all that’s left out there for smart, educated, attractive women are “the bad boys”?

The phenomenon of why women fall for "bad boys" has been a question asked for generations. The good guys who seem to all finish last ask this question, our friends ask this question and even we ask this question.  I myself have had experience with my fair share of “bad boys”.  “Bad boys” often have many of the characteristics women find attractive; good looks, confidence, charisma, high energy, and good social skills. According to Michelle at Girlfriends Planet, “Bad Boys don't really ever commit to you, therefore you're always chasing after them. The challenge! As women, we're kind of wired to think that we can change anyone, and bad boys are no exception."

            Is all of this true? Are we ending up with the “bad boys” because the “good boys” are all taken or because they are intimidated by our success or knowledge? Have we educated and succeeded ourselves out of the dating pool because men want someone less than so the “bad boys” use the only tools (unfaithfulness or aggression as a means of asserting control), they have to try and “equalize” the relationship?