Perception

Sometimes one person's perception of a situation can be completely different from another person's perception. Each one of us has a very unique experience in the world and how we perceive it.
Reality is a matter of perception.  

As I have gone through years of therapy one thing I have come to understand is that while there were many people living the same experiences I lived, we all had our own individual experiences within the shared experiences and our perceptions differ to great extents. I think often that it's these perceptions that have caused some relationships to flourish, while others have floundered in my family. Some members just have the inability to see other's perceptions, acknowledge their parts and grow. 

Last month my biological father's 2nd wife's mother passed away.  The 2nd wife (Jamie) reached out to me and my older sister. I made the decision to use this as an opportunity to reconnect with Jamie and have a relationship with her again. Being able to discuss the many issues and perceptions of events from the past have helped me to understand how one thing that was hurtful to me was not intend that way by her.  I am glad that we have had these past few weeks to reconnect and discuss things and work things out and start a new chapter in our relationships with one another.
                                                                                             
Now as a grown woman myself I can look back and see she was just doing the best she knew how to do. She was in her twenties when she married my biological father and was instantly a step mother to 2 little girls - one that lived with her and one that did  not. She soon was gave birth to my little brother and sister and not too much later my mother died and she had to take in a little girl who had been emotionally, physically, and sexually abused on top of losing her mother.  I tested every boundary I could with her, did everything I could to get attention and act out and that could not have been easy on top of having 3 other children to attend to.
It could not have been easy for her.

Even though we didn't have the best of relationships when I was young over the years we have been able to gain a new relationship with new understandings of each other's experiences in the same situation and she allowed me the time I needed to sort through things and work my feelings out so that we are able to have a better relationship now.

As we begin our new chapter I look forward to a better relationship and experience with her and cherish the ability we both have to try and understand that  one's perception can differ greatly from the others.