A couple of weeks ago Karen rushed to the hospital because she was having difficulty breathing and could not stop coughing. After a series of tests we found out her lung tissue was inflamed. The doctor's were hopeful and were relieved it was not congenital heart failure. I must admit I was relieved too but I still was fearful. So many memories of my own mother's struggles and her suffering were flooding my mind and I was trying to stay positive for Karen. I do not want to lose a second mother to the same damn disease!
Karen was in the hospital for a few days and then the doctors sent her home with steroids and orders to return in a couple of weeks for a check up. As the days went by she reported to us that she was feeling better even though we could see she was still having difficulty breathing. I pray for her every day. Tuesday she went back to the hospital on doctor's orders because her check up reflected no changes in the tests and the doctor's wanted to do a lung biopsy to be safe. She had the biopsy yesterday and now is recovering and we are waiting for the results.
This is one of the most difficult things to deal with. I fear every day that I am going to lose my second mother to the same disease I lost my biological mother. I fear that if I lose her I will lose my "family". I fear that we will not remain family if Karen is gone. I fear that she will miss seeing Railey grow up. I fear she will miss all the things she still wants to do in her lifetime. With all the old memories coming back I find myself often crying randomly. I told a friend of all the horrible experiences I have had in my life - losing my mother and watching her suffer was the one thing I did not feel I could do again.
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