Why lie when the truth will do?

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook page and it made think...............

"Here's a thought for people....why lie when the truth will do???? Not that I am dealing with this right now, but we are all put into situations where we are tempted to lie. Is it not better to deal with the consequences of the truth than have someone find out that you lied to them? I hate lies!!! I do not lie. And in fact I hate them so much that I try not to do anything that I might have to lie about later. Um...if we don't cheat on someone...we don't have to lie about it...lol. etc etc. There are many situations where this could be applied."

Everyone lies about something at some point, from huge deceptive whoppers to little white lies. 

As children we all heard adults tell us lying is wrong and as adults we have all said we can't tolerate lies. On the dark side of the moon, we commit the offense of lying almost on a regular basis. When we are trying to spare someone's feelings, save face, get out of doing something or avoiding trouble we venture over to the dark side and commit the offense we know is wrong and say we cannot tolerate.  According to Susan Shapiro Barash, author of Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie 80% of women tell what they consider to be harmless white lies and half truths. According to David Smith, PH.D. and associate professor of philosophy at the University of New England lying is  “a very natural human trait." Vince Passaro Why Men Lie (and always will) discovered through various interviews with friends, associates, his own spouse, and various other contacts he discovered "men lie to avoid arguments, the dirty looks, the lectures, shame and the airing of unpleasant truths." When we break it all down people lie for self preservation. No matter what the situation it is to preserve something for themselves sanity, love, etc.

I think what people fail to realize though is, when a person tells those lies it is difficult to keep track of the lies you told and to whom. This in turn makes it difficult to maintain close personal relationships. Most people are afraid; even though the truth will do the consequences will be something they do not want to deal with.

 I have an old friend who calls quite frequently and always has throughout our 12 year friendship. Her calls usually consist of her repeating stories she has already told me or complaining about the same things in her life that make her unhappy. She doesn’t listen to advice or do anything to change the things that make her unhappy so sometimes I avoid her calls to avoid repetitive conversations when I truly do not have the time or interest to deal with her calls.  I have always been honest with her and told her I didn’t answer or call her back because I was busy with other things, wasn’t home or just didn’t have the patience to listen to her repeat the same thing she told me the day before.  I think at first her feelings were hurt but as she continued to call and would begin telling me a repeat story I would stop her right then and say, “yes, you told me that yesterday.” As I would do this with her she began to see that I was indeed right and this has slowly changed. In fact it is now a joke between the two of us and she will leave messages on my voicemail saying things like, “I can’t remember if I called you yesterday and told you…….so call me when you get a chance if I didn’t.”  Her feelings recovered, our friendship is still intact and life goes on for us!

On the dark side of the issue though, I have a friend we will call Paul. He and I have been friends for 15 years. I have been by his side through 2 spouses and numerous girlfriends, one night stands, etc. He is a very sensitive and jealous friend and this is just something I have learned to accept about him. This does not mean that I tolerate it but it is something I accept because we either love the people in our lives for who they are; warts and all or we don’t keep them in our lives.  Paul often gets offended by things or twists things in his own mind and then gets upset and avoids his friends for periods of time when he is upset by them. Many of our mutual friends tell him white lies to avoid hurting his feelings or upsetting him. I think that takes a lot of effort on their part and have always found it easier for me to just be honest with him.

 In the past there was a particular situation several of us knew about in which Paul cheated on his first spouse. Even though we all knew about it and were friends with his first spouse no one mentioned it even when Paul brought up his affair because they didn’t want to hurt his feelings with their true feelings or thoughts. However, when Paul asked me my thoughts I flat out told him I would not cover for him, I would not help him hide the affair, I thought what he was doing to his wife was wrong and that if she ever asked me if I knew something I would tell her the truth. This made Paul feel betrayed and for several weeks he didn’t speak to me and he avoided me at social events.  Many of our friends asked me if this bothered me and even suggested I apologize to Paul to make things better between us but what they didn’t realize was that I was fine. It was Paul that had the issue and that sometimes the truth hurt.  Over time Paul always comes back around and often regrets his actions and behaviors but in the end truth is always the bases on which I deal with him because it is just easier and by doing so I always feel true to myself and our friendship.

Isn’t is easier to confess to being the person who ate the last cookie than lie and say someone else did it? Isn’t it easier to say, “I am late because I ran into John/Jane at the restaurant and talked to them for 20 minutes before I came home”? Isn’t it easier to say, “dear I want to go on this trip alone because I just need some me time”, than to say “the office isn’t allowing spouses to go, or none of my friend’s wives/husbands are coming”? 

By telling the truth we can then deal with the real issues that exist or have no fear of what is or is not going on. It just makes life easier, even if we don’t like what we are hearing.