We all have it. That voice inside ourselves. For many its constant chatter can be overwhelming but for others it is a soothing reminder that they like themselves.
I am one of the unlucky ones. As a child the "adults" in my life constantly were pounding emotionally abusive statements into my head. The things these adults would say, "you aren't pretty, you're not good enough" "your not smart" "stupid" "dumb ass" "no one loves you" After hearing it for so long this became my internal soundtrack even as an adult.
Even though I spent years in therapy learning why my internal soundtrack was like this and learning how to change it sometimes, even now, I catch myself allowing this negative sound track to run through my head and I have to stop and remind myself that those people were all abusive liars!
How did I change it? Well a wonderful therapist helped me identify why I had it in the first place and gave me simple exercises to change it.
Even though I spent years in therapy learning why my internal soundtrack was like this and learning how to change it sometimes, even now, I catch myself allowing this negative sound track to run through my head and I have to stop and remind myself that those people were all abusive liars!
How did I change it? Well a wonderful therapist helped me identify why I had it in the first place and gave me simple exercises to change it.
Exercise 1
Pick a day for doing this exercise, preferably a day when you don't plan to be doing anything dramatic or out of the ordinary. Keep your journal or a small notebook and pen handy throughout the day. Make a series of appointments with yourself. Every two hours, stop what you're doing, take out the notebook, and simply jot down observations about the self-talk you've been having for the past two hours. Each of these eight or ten note-taking sessions need only take a few minutes. Write down what you've been telling yourself about:
Pick a day for doing this exercise, preferably a day when you don't plan to be doing anything dramatic or out of the ordinary. Keep your journal or a small notebook and pen handy throughout the day. Make a series of appointments with yourself. Every two hours, stop what you're doing, take out the notebook, and simply jot down observations about the self-talk you've been having for the past two hours. Each of these eight or ten note-taking sessions need only take a few minutes. Write down what you've been telling yourself about:
- Your appearance.
- The work that you've been doing for the past two hours.
- Your intelligence.
- Your competence.
- Your skills and abilities.
- Your worth.
If you find it easier not to wait for the two-hour mark, but instead to jot things down as you hear yourself saying them, then by all means, do it that way. The point is to develop a thorough understanding of one day's internal dialogue, without completely upsetting your daily schedule.
Exercise 2
Imagine that you are scheduled to make an important presentation at work tomorrow. A number of important customers or clients, as well as several of your coworkers and your boss, will be there watching. It's the night before. You're lying in bed, in the dark, thinking about the presentation. What are you saying to yourself?
Take whatever time you need to consider, honestly and thoroughly, the kinds of messages that would be going through your head. You'd be having a conversation with yourself, so what would you be saying? Write down as much of this conversation as you can. Don't be afraid to be honest because this is the only way you can truly identify the negative self talk and change it!
Exercise 3
Look back at the writing that you did for both Exercises 1 and 2. Do you see common themes or threads running through both sets of writings? If so, what are those common features? Describe them in writing.
Exercise 4
When you look back over your writing for Exercises 1 and 2, how would you describe the overall tone or mood of your internal dialogue? Is it pessimistic, defeatist, self-condemning? Are there particular areas where what you've written sounds especially harsh or critical? Circle any writing that you think illustrates especially positive or especially negative internal dialogue.
Exercise 5
Again, glancing back over your writing for both Exercises 1 and 2: What does your writing tell you about your locus of control? Is your internal dialogue oriented externally, internally or in accordance with chance? Write down your answer.
Exercise 6
As you look at your writing, answer this question: What kind of a friend are you to yourself throughout the day? If you were a friend whispering in your ear the messages you recorded in Exercises 1 and 2, what kind of friend would you be? You're the one who talks to you, all day, every day. What kind of friend are you? Are you actively creating a toxic environment for yourself, contaminating your experience of the world? Or are the messages that you send yourself characterized by a rational and productive optimism?
Exercise 2
Imagine that you are scheduled to make an important presentation at work tomorrow. A number of important customers or clients, as well as several of your coworkers and your boss, will be there watching. It's the night before. You're lying in bed, in the dark, thinking about the presentation. What are you saying to yourself?
Take whatever time you need to consider, honestly and thoroughly, the kinds of messages that would be going through your head. You'd be having a conversation with yourself, so what would you be saying? Write down as much of this conversation as you can. Don't be afraid to be honest because this is the only way you can truly identify the negative self talk and change it!
Exercise 3
Look back at the writing that you did for both Exercises 1 and 2. Do you see common themes or threads running through both sets of writings? If so, what are those common features? Describe them in writing.
Exercise 4
When you look back over your writing for Exercises 1 and 2, how would you describe the overall tone or mood of your internal dialogue? Is it pessimistic, defeatist, self-condemning? Are there particular areas where what you've written sounds especially harsh or critical? Circle any writing that you think illustrates especially positive or especially negative internal dialogue.
Exercise 5
Again, glancing back over your writing for both Exercises 1 and 2: What does your writing tell you about your locus of control? Is your internal dialogue oriented externally, internally or in accordance with chance? Write down your answer.
Exercise 6
As you look at your writing, answer this question: What kind of a friend are you to yourself throughout the day? If you were a friend whispering in your ear the messages you recorded in Exercises 1 and 2, what kind of friend would you be? You're the one who talks to you, all day, every day. What kind of friend are you? Are you actively creating a toxic environment for yourself, contaminating your experience of the world? Or are the messages that you send yourself characterized by a rational and productive optimism?
No comments:
Post a Comment