Defining myself

What is the one thing that you most identify yourself with (your looks, your job, your family, etc.)? Who would you be if that were to disappear?

Once upon a time I would have said that I identify myself with my looks. I didn't feel very good about myself because I was told as a child I was ugly. After my mother passed away my step mother often told me I was fat (which is ludicrous because I probably weighted 70lbs at the time) and ugly. As I grew into a teenager I still never felt beautiful because kids at school were often mean and picked on me because I didn't wear the most expensive or stylish clothes and my self esteem was disastrously low due to years of verbal abuse. Then there was another time in life when I would have identified myself by my family or should I say the lack of family.  None of my family seemed to care about me or what was happening to me. As a child none of them stepped in and rescued me from the abuse I was suffering, as I grew older they all seem to check out and not be a part of my life. For years and years none of them could even have told you where I lived and I identified this as being unlovable and unworthy of love.  


With these being the things I identified myself with I often felt as if I was non existent. I felt as if I could just disappear from the earth and no one would notice or care.  This was not a good time in my life and I often lashed out in self destructive ways because I didn't know how to handle these feelings. 


As I have learned to heal myself and gained wisdom and knowledge about life, the world and myself I have grown to identify myself by my ability to survive, love, (even when love is not returned), my thirst to continue to learn about myself, the world, those around me, etc.