I have been divorced for 3 1/2 years now. I have been dating for about 3 years again. It has not been a fun experience but it has been interesting and entertaining!
There are several things I have learned in the second experience at dating.
Some people say they are looking for a relationship but what they are really looking for is sex.
With the encouragment of my friend I tried the internet dating experience. I was leary of this at first because I didn't want to end up a statistic, you know meeting the psycho guy who ends up hacking my body into a million pieces, but I will go on! I meet, Mike. He says he has a lake house on Lake Worth, a good job as a sales person, talks about his family constantly, seems very down to earth and understanding. We talked for months before I actually met him in person. I was careful though; I gave my friend all his contact info, met him in a public place - the city park - I took both of my rottweilers with me and we spent the afternoon walking at the park, talking and playing with my dogs. As evening approached I new it was time to end the date because we had spent almost the entire day at the park hanging out. As I begin the good bye, I've had a nice time process he stops me and says, "hey I wasn't planning on leaving....I was going to stay the night." I responded with, "well that's nice, did you already check into a hotel?" and he laughs and says, "a hotel? I can't stay at your house?" I was shocked. I could not believe the balls on this guy! Yeah we had been talking for months, but did he really think he was going to stay at my house the first time I met him? I let him know that was not going to happen and that I was leaving. He sent a few more emails to me but I didn't respond. I knew that any guy that was that thought he was going to spend the night with me the first time he met me did not respect me enough to continue to get to know him.
The second thing I learned is that some people have just been hurt too bad to be in a relationship and some people are just heartless asses.
I didn't let that experience discourage me though I decided to try the internet dating again and I met two guys that I was interested in. One was from Germany- Oz, worked construction and horses, and the other Jason, was an oil field worker who worked 30 on 30 off.
Oz would come lived about 40 miles away and would come over on the weekend and meet me for dinner and listen to music and we'd play pool. I would go to his house and we ride and hang out. It was very nice for awhile but after about a year of getting to know him I just didn't feel the relationship was ever going to go anywhere because he had been so hurt in his past he couldn't get over it so we decided to stop seeing eachother.
Jason lived in Abilene which is about an hour and a half from me. I thought this would be ok, since he worked 30 on and 30 off we could have plenty of time apart and take things slow and get to know eachother the old fashion way when we was off working through writing to one another! However, after a few weeks of dating I ended it quickly. He came to see me one night we had dinner and hung out a bit and it was nice. He left and went home. We talked on the phone and made a second date. He came to town again and we had another wonderful date at the lake! Then it was time for him to go back to work. We exchanged emails while he was away. Then one day he just showed up at my job. I was not happy. I had no idea he was coming and actually had plans with friends that night. He was upset that I wouldn't change my plans and he didn't want to spend time with my friends so I told him we would have to plan a date. The next day I received a call from family that my great uncle had passed away. I was very close to him and the funeral was that following weekend. I called Jason to let him know I would have to cancel and he became very upset. I knew that any man that would be upset I had to attend a funeral instead of go out with him was not the guy for me so I ended that.
By this time I was alittle disturbed about my dating experiences but I was determined not to let a few bad experiences turn me from dating. Afterall, I really did want someone to share my life with. That's when I learned that friends do not always have all the information on a situation when setting you up!
A few months went by - I had given up on the internet dating experience and deleted my profiles. An old friend and former co worker suggested me going out with a guy I had known previously through a working relationship. He was always really nice when I worked with him and thought, ok I will give it a try! His name was Wesley. He was a father of four and this concerned me a bit, but he said the divorce was friendly and it wouldn't be a problem. However, I quickly learned that it was a huge problem. After about a month of dating I was hanging out with him at his house and discovered that the reason he was able to spend so much time with his kids was because they lived across the street from him with his ex wife! He said it was just to make raising the kids easier and there wasn't going to be a problem. He invited me over to hang out for the first time about a month into dating and I accepted. After being over there for about 30 minutes there was a knocking at the door and he answered. It was woman and he stepped outside on the porch and closed the door behind him. Upon coming back in the house he told me that was his ex wife and she was pissed because he had a woman at his house. Red light, red light, red light! I discovered that night that he had not been apart from her for very long as a matter of fact he asked me out the weekend after he moved out of their house! Needless to say that ended right then!
A few months went by and I was introduced to Zack and Austin. I learned that some people are just rude and others are just selfish, liars. I dated them for awhile and after a couple of dates with Zack I decided he was just looking for sex and I wouldn't be going out with him because I wanted more than that. Austin and I continued dating and we even got serious enough to be exclusive. After dating for about 8 months he began drinking more and more. After a couple of canceled dates because I would arrive at his house and he would be so drunk I would tell him I wasn't going out with him like that I stopped seeing him. He continued calling and at one point I even had to get a restraining order against him to leave me alone.
I decided that was it. I was done. Where were all the nice guys? I moved on to a "friend with benefits" and so far that has worked out the best. I see him when I want to. I don't see him when I don't want to. I don't have to waste energy on something I know isn't going to happen because we were already friends and had known eachother for years and it was what it was and we were very upfront and honest about it!
However, another year has gone by and I decided I am ready to start dating again, but all the good guys seem to be hiding? They either want to have "instant relationship - just add warm body" or they don't know what dating means, or there are just too many frogs out there!
Today a friend told me I am intimidating to men. He said I was smart, witty, hold my own, and not afraid to speak my mind. He said that was intimidating to men.
Does that mean I am doomed to be alone? When did it become a bad thing to be a smart, witty, independant woman who could hold a conversation and didn't mold herself to be what someone else wanted?
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