Is anyone ever really happy?

Holding it all together is not the easiest task. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and I think that no one will ever reach out for me, that I will never have a soft place to fall. Being alone is not always a bad thing. I love the fact that I make the rules, I live how I want to, I answer to no one, but other times when I have had a really stressful day, or received overwhelming news like a friend has cancer, or I am scared I am not going to be able to make ends meet, or something really great happens, or the day is just beautiful that I had someone to come home to, someone to pick up the phone and call and share my life with.

I think about past relationships and those memories make me so happy that I am single, but what is it about people that it is so hard to make real lasting friendships too? I have no trouble meeting people and making friends and they all lean on me and ask my advice and want me to come out and socialize with them, but when it comes to anything real - a conversation, sharing lives then it all seems so fake.

It's the same thing with my own blood family. They all say they love and miss me, but then it's a series of forwarded emails, mindless phone calls in which nothing of any substance is exchanged, to inquiries as to how you are doing and if there is one, it's quickly averted to something superficial and then the call is ended. Which I can't honestly say bothers me too much because I don't have the desire or need to maintain fake relationships at this point in my life and I lack the desire to even try.

Sometimes I think it's just me. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who feels so alone but then I talk to my best friend and she tells me she has the same problem with people. She grows weary of attempting to make new friendships only to realize that they are superficial.

Maybe I am meant to be alone. Maybe there isn't anyone out there for me. I would like to think there is someone out there for me and I just haven't found them yet, but with each passing year I look at the people I have known and wonder.

My ex husband bounces from relationship to relationship and has had 2 children by other women but I know he's a liar, cheat and a thief. My ex boyfriend is in a relationship with a woman and they have been together for years and they fight constantly, they lived together for awhile but eventually he moved out but they stayed together. My brother married a woman he got pregnant and all they ever do is fight. For three years it's been one complaint after another including fears that she was cheating on him, doesn't care for their child and just spends money and complains that he doesn't make enough for her.

My friend married a guy a few years younger than her. He's immature and doesn't realize how to be a good husband or father and just expects that his wife should take care of the house and the child and then on top of it all have sex with him whenever he wants it. She's OCD and controlling and they clash on a regular basis.

I just look at every relationship around me and wonder how does it work? How does it happen and is anyone ever really happy?