Letting Go of My Father

I spent a lot of time with Alexandria and her son over the next few months talking about all the past issues we had with our fathers and how sometimes we just wished they'd understand, while her father seemed to be getting better at being a father, mine just seemed farther away.

Over the next few months I focused more on me and being happy and I let go of the need to have him in my life. The amazing thing is that he showed up again not too long after that wanting to be a part of my life. I gave him a chance. I went to visit him at Easter which was very uncomfortable, then I went to visit him for no reason and in he began calling once a week. The problem is that he never wants to hear the things I have to say, he cuts me off and begins talking about his 4 step grand children that he and his wife have custody of or talks about the money he has had to loan his step children. He never asks how I am doing, what has happened in my life over the last few years, or takes any kind of interest in me as a person. His only interest seems to be laying claim to what he thinks is his...his child.

My father doesn't seem to realize that he and I have never had a relationship. He seems to forget that for my entire childhood before my mother past away, when I came to visit from a child's point of view he wasn't plugged in. He didn't interact with me. He worked and when he was home he sat in his recliner watching television while he allowed his abusive second wife to reign over everything. Even after my mother passed away and I was forced to move in with him he fails to recall the situation didn't change and by the time I was a teenager and he wanted to start with his third wife I was over trying to have any kind of relationship with him because I hated him so much for not being there for me all those previous years.

It's so frustrating to me to still want to have that connection, to be someone's little girl but I know that until he recognizes and acknowledges his part in my childhood experiences then I can't have a relationship with him. The problem is how do I tell him this without hurting his feelings?