Letting go ............continued

When I was about 15 years old I met a guy, Richard. We hit it off quickly and became fast friends. We both liked fast cars,played basketball, enjoyed similar tastes in music and had come from difficult, broken families. We hung out all the time. I met his mother. She was a very caring and nurturing person. She took me under her wing and we became very close. As the years went by this is where I spent holidays, this is where I went when I was sick, needed help or was just feeling lonely and wanted to be around people! I discussed my past, life, my family, everything with this woman! She guided me and helped me when my own "family" had turned their backs on me because they simply didn't want to be bothered with me after my mother had passed away. This woman fed me when I was too broke to buy groceries and all my friends were home with their families being fed. This woman paid for my doctor's appointments when I was too broke to afford them but desperately needed to go to one because I couldn't afford to take time off from the 2 jobs I had while in high school just to pay for rent and electricity. This woman was everything to me.

I was not willing to give her up if she was willing to keep me! I felt so alone in the world all ready because my friends didn't understand what was going on in my life. They had no idea I had no family. They had no idea I was working two jobs to pay bills because I never had friends to my house, instead I always went to their houses. They had no idea about the abuse I suffered, most people didn't even know my mother had died before I moved to Brownwood. I don't know what they thought, but my "friends" really didn't know much about me - they just knew what I allowed them to see. To my "friends" I was the athlete, the smart one, the fiesty one, who was a good friend to them and always there when they needed me. That was all I was willing to share with anyone at that point. No one really cared enough to earn my trust I felt.

I went on through life in high school playing sports, working, getting good grades and being the happy girl who everyone loved to hang out with! Even today as people from those years send me friend requests I realize how many "friends" I had back then, but how little they really knew about me.